Elmo's World

Hi there - sorry for the long absence, but I've been on vacation.  Betcha' can't guess from the title where I went ;0)

Summer is, historically, difficult for Brandon.  He has periods of being out of school, and even his six weeks in school are different - different schedule, different activities, different staff members.  Cady is in camp until the end of August, so we don't get to go on vacation as a family until the very last week before school starts again - which means we always go on vacation when Brandon is already many weeks into struggling with different.  Our vacations are a learning experience. Progress is measured in shorter/fewer meltdowns; in Danny and I feeling somewhat less exhausted when we return home.

Sesame Place has particular significance for me.  We've been there multiple times, starting when Brandon was three.  That first trip was wonderful - Brandon went on the rides, played in the water, hugged the characters.  He loved every minute of it.

Fast forward three years.  Brandon didn't want to go near any of the characters; he screamed if we tried.  He would only go on a few rides, and he mostly wanted to play in the sand and the tidal wave pool.  He was still enjoying himself, but was much more limited in where he would go and what he would do.

Fast forward another two years.  Brandon didn't want to go on anything; he just wanted to go straight to the tidal wave pool.  Trying to get him involved in anything else resulted in huge, hysterical, aggressive meltdowns.  Danny and I split up, so that Cady could spend time in the rest of the park.  We spent very little time with all four of us together.  It was, frankly, one of the lowest points in my parenting history for me.  I spent most of the time in the park near tears, wondering how and when Brandon had become so rigid.  Nowhere else was the evolution of Brandon from a relatively flexible child to a child bound by the fears and anxieties unique to his brain so starkly clear.

Of course, I hadn't yet learned the crucial questions to be asking.  I was still wondering how to "fix" this, how to make Brandon less rigid.  It wasn't until shortly before we left for vacation this year that I stumbled across the FaceBook page of Karla Fisher (Karla's ASD Page).  For the first time, I learned to ask myself the right questions:  How can we best support Brandon so that he - and by extension the rest of us - has a good time?  What things are truly important, and what things that we ask of him simply siphon off energy that he could be putting to better use elsewhere?  How much can he reasonably handle in any given day, and where are we prepared to adjust if need be?

Our vacation wasn't perfect, but it was so much better.  And the very best day of it?  

You've got it.  Sesame Place.

We were able to coax Brandon on to most of the rides.  We have character pictures with all of us for the first time in six years.  We sat and watched the parade, more than once.  Meals were reasonably pleasant (well, as pleasant as they get in an amusement park fast food place.)  Best of all, we stayed together as a family almost all day, from 11:30 until 4:30, and then we only split up for an hour.  Brandon spent it in his beloved tidal wave pool, and Cady and I took on the water slides that Brandon's swimming skills aren't strong enough for.  This time, the tears were from sheer happiness.  

What changed?  Well, both of us, really.  Brandon has matured this past year, and grown bolder in ways that I used to pray for.  He is also communicating more, so I'm guessing less at what he is thinking.  For my part, I've started to adopt a "less is more" way of thinking.  A shorter, successful day is worth more to me than a longer one ending in a meltdown.  We ate dinner in the park instead of at a restaurant, which seemed to solve multiple end of day issues.  I'm learning to read Brandon's cues better, to know when he can be pushed just a little bit past his comfort zone, and when we've reached a hard limit.  I've learned to find ways to try and ensure Brandon's success.  

Sesame Street is a place of learning for young children.  Given that I'm in my infancy of learning how to truly understand my son, it is just so appropriate that our first breakthrough together would happen in Sesame Place.  I'm looking forward to so very many more.