Warm Fuzzies?

I’ve noticed a trend in the news lately.  It’s a series of “feel good” articles about autism.  You’ve seen them – autistic kids get voted prom king and queen, autistic athlete does good, etc.  The latest one posted by a friend features the story of a small boy in love with garbage trucks that’s become friendly with his local sanitation guy.  Said sanitation guy recently brought him his own toy garbage truck to play with.  Mom happened to be outside taking video that day, and posted it for her friends and family.  Instead, it went viral, and everyone is having the warm fuzzies over it.  Inevitably, being the mom of an autistic child, most of these stories make their way into my Facebook news feed.  Several of them get posted directly to my page. 

Now, I’m a warm and fuzzy kind of gal.  I can “aww”, smile, cry, and get sappy over feel good news with the best of them. 

These articles do not give me the warm fuzzies.  In fact, they kind of make me want to throw up a little.

For those of you now asking, “Who pissed in her coffee this morning?” the answer is no one.  And everyone. 

Here’s my fundamental problem with these stories:  They’re supposed to be shining examples of autism awareness at their finest.  Inclusion done well.  For me, they leave a bad taste in my mouth.  Awareness done right leads to support and true inclusion.  True inclusion is an environment where autistic people are valued for themselves – where there’s a recognition that they bring as much to the table as their NT peers.  It’s not “peer mentorship”, or being buddied up with someone who sees it as their feel good project and a line about how great they are for working with “those kids” on their college resume.  It makes for a really sweet story when a young woman decides that the autistic kid shouldn’t be left out of the prom and offers herself up as his date.  But what happens afterward?  What are you going to say when he calls your house?  Asks you for a date?  Thinks that you’re his friend and wants to hang out with you and your buddies? 

The video of the little boy being given the garbage truck is undeniably sweet.  But what are we saying about the worth of autistic people when something like this goes viral?  In a way, what we’re saying is that we’re all warm and fuzzy because he was noticed.  And I find it terribly, terribly sad that the act of noticing an autistic child – an autistic person of any age - is still news. 

So go ahead and be amazed at the Jason McElwains of the world – their abilities are, indeed, amazing.  I also ask, though, that you think about that story critically.  Would his feat on the basketball court have been seen as so amazing if he hadn’t been identified as autistic?  Isn’t the real story a question of why he was only allowed to play in those few minutes of that single game all year long?  Shouldn’t we be asking why his coach hadn’t been spending all year discovering and developing his talent, instead of praising him for allowing those handful of minutes, only after he was sure that his team was already assured the win? 

Autistic people of all ages, and all abilities, should be noticed.  They should be included.  For themselves – for who they are, as amazing, autistic people, worthy of being known in their own right.  That’s the non-story that I want to see.  That’s when I’ll get the warm fuzzies.